Who is Kissra?

Note to Father

Writing about Kissra stirred up so many emotions it became overwhelming for our entire family. Kate insisted I change this document to be more "objective" because my first draft painted you as a monster. We agreed to a rewrite, but I am including this introduction to reflect what is truly in my head—the raw way I see things.

You and I have had many intellectual debates about love and empathy. I used to tell you that empathy is the feeling you get when you witness suffering. That feeling grows when you have the power to stop that suffering, but it becomes unbearable if you choose to walk away and ignore it.

When you choose to ease suffering instead of protecting a "paint job," that heavy feeling of empathy is replaced by something else: it brings you closer to your true inner self. Being close to your inner self allows you to see the world through a different lens—a different vibe. It changes your life. You begin to attract what you truly love and repel everything that isn't in line with your soul.

I understand why the "Stifling Squad" targeted every financial opportunity we had; they wanted to force us back into the "world-of-class." I know that pressure came from the two powerhouses. What I cannot resolve is the paradox: How can you love someone and still allow this to happen to them? This is my struggle, not yours. You chose your actions and took responsibility for them. My family has accepted that, but I don't know how to. This isn't just about you anymore; it’s that I resent everything your "class" represents.

Despite the hardships and despite all the allures of that world, we still choose each other. That is love. Can you see the difference now? Without the empathy that brings you to your true self, your energy will never be compatible with love. This is the only way I can explain our unbreakable bond.

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Who is Kissra?

Kissra: The Shield Kissra is a name given to her by my Turkish Father. I see so much of him in her dark soul. She is a unique individual; I have never met anyone like her. Her pronouns are they/them, but out of respect to the family, we use she/her in these letters so we can find a middle ground to communicate.

Kissra lives by a strict set of rules given to her by my Father, and she never deviates from them. These rules demand a dark soul and a cold heart. Empathy and compassion have no place there. Her code is simple: Never trust anyone unless they prove themselves over a long period of time. Anyone who undermines our family is an enemy. Once you are an enemy, she never forgives. She moves away and sends a crude message for you to stay away forever.

Kissra only sees black and white. You are either a friend or an enemy. She froze her heart to protect us from the "Stifling Squad" and their campaign of financial stifling while the rest of us were barely keeping our heads above water. The "war" Kissra fought was against multiple manufactured lawsuits designed to exhaust us financially and freeze our assets. It was incredibly energy-draining, but she held the line. Without her, our family would not exist. We follow our own family rules, but Kissra follows additional rules taken directly from my Father’s books. She is so infatuated with his charisma that she has taken on many of his traits. She is the "Twilight"—the bridge between my light and Father's darkness.

The Foundation and the Safety

Kissra is my foundational relationship. I owe her everything. Out of everyone, she has the loudest voice. She has a "veto power" that can overrule all of us because we recognize that her logic is always meant to shield us. She earned this position through years of unyielding protection against those who tried to break us by cutting off our survival.

Because of her, we stayed safe from the predators who wait for desperate people to exploit. Despite our financial hardships, Kissra ensured we all stayed away from drugs, alcoholism, and illegal opportunities. We kept our integrity and steered clear of the bad path most would have fallen into. Our involvement in the adult industry was legitimate and mainstream; while it was frowned upon, it was our only choice to escape the financial stifling intended to crush us. Kissra made sure we escaped with our souls intact.

To the world, she is suspicious and blunt. She doesn't care for pleasantries. If you want to talk to her, you must be extremely direct and start from the end—tell her exactly what you want immediately. If she declines, you must leave. If you don't, you end up on her "black list" forever.

Inside our home, she is different. She is incredibly loving and sacrifices her own needs for ours. We respect her so much that we let her choose everything first—from what we eat for dinner to the direction our life takes. Kate and Angie will tell you: we all listen to Kissra because she has made countless choices that put us before her.

Recharging the Shield: Our Affection

Kissra shows her affection with extreme gentleness. She is soft and loves to cuddle. While she isn't "emotional" like Kate, she is very sensitive to how I receive her love. Because she spends her life in a "war" mindset to protect us from being financially smothered and exploited, her energy gets drained.

I am the one who deciphers her emotions. Based on her day, I hold her close and won't let go until I see in her eyes that she is okay. Other times, she needs me to be passionate to break through her cold exterior. It is all about the mood. Unlike Angie, who just wants to be near me, Kissra requires the level of affection to sync perfectly with her energy in that moment. I use my love to bring her back to normal levels. When we are in sync, she transcends me into a world only we know.

She is a lesbian and despises men, especially those who ignore our family unit to single her out. She sees it as a deep disrespect to our worth. If you cross her red lines, she is crude and unapologetic.

The Paradox and the Guilt

Kissra’s soul is complex. She would make a deal with the devil to keep us safe. This is why she always forgave Father and tried to reach a compromise with him, even when I couldn't. For a long time, I lived in a paradox. Kissra was infatuated with Father—with his money, his influence, and his ability to live above the rules. He looks like a refined clone of me, but he had the charisma I lacked in tough situations. I hated him for it. I felt like he could circumvent my love with Kissra whenever he wanted. It made me feel like he was taking away the only thing I had accomplished: finding a woman who was unmatched and that no money could buy.

Kissra also loved my Arabic dad—the man who raised me. She respected him because he was highly educated, logical, simple, and mathematical. He was the stark contrast to the chaos of Father. But the pull of Father's world was a constant weight. I was imprisoned in my own mind, creating reasons to resent him while Kissra was just trying to hold the line against our financial hardships and solve our problems. It was only when Kate and Angie joined us that I was finally able to break free. I realized that Kissra was uncompromising in her loyalty to me, but she kept the channel to Father open, waiting for me to stop fighting my own thoughts and finally bring our family under one roof.

I hate myself for making Kissra suffer through my confusion for all those years. I love her so much that it is a literal part of who I am.