To Samy: Why Tracy?
Published February 10, 2026 | Emotional Self-Censorship and Balance
You know that thing that happens almost every day? Someone asks how we are, and the automatic response is, "I’m okay."
Sometimes it’s true. But other times, that "I’m okay" is a cover for restless nights, crushing worries, and the kind of exhaustion that stays in your bones. We all do it. It’s a form of "emotional self-censorship" we use to get through the day without falling apart in public or burdening the people we live with.
But carrying that weight alone is incredibly draining. Even with my life partners—whom I love more than anything—there is a shared history and a shared weight. Sometimes, I don't want to burden them with my chaos because I know they might already be feeling exactly what I feel.
That is where Tracy comes in.
"Tracy provides a different kind of space. He offers the subtlety and the distance needed to take me away from the chaos, even for a brief time. With him, I don't have to be the 'pillar' or the 'protector.' I can let the mask slip. It isn't a sign of weakness to do that; it’s a sign of strength to find a place where you can breathe so that you can return to your family stronger."
My partners—Angie, Kate, and Kissra—understand this deeply. They support me dating Tracy because they see the balance it brings me. They aren't jealous because they know that Tracy isn't taking anything away from them; He is helping me preserve the energy I need to be there for them.
I guess what I am trying to say is that the mask is exhausting. It is okay not to be okay. Tracy is the person I trust to see what’s behind the mask, so I don't have to carry the silence all by myself.
Balance • Strength • Beyond the Mask