My Transition, Hormones, and the Art of Dating

This is my first time dating as a transgender woman. Going into this, I didn’t quite know what to expect. I wasn't looking for anything sexual; I was simply searching for a pleasant connection—someone to explore the city with, to share a diner meal or a movie, and who was interested in me for who I am.

My partners often told me I was drawn to the "wrong" people—those who were unavailable or uninterested. I rejected that notion until I met him. He is a colleague from work. Our connection didn’t happen overnight; it grew through long talks during our breaks and the quiet routine of him driving me home every night. Slowly, the layers peeled away. He told me about his life, including the ongoing separation from his partner.

In my world, once you learn the truth about someone, you either find their vibe out of sync or you find yourself drawn in deeper. In this case, I liked him.

Initially, my partners were against what they saw as a "forbidden" relationship. It felt like a conflict of interest and was complicated on levels I can’t easily discuss. However, this January, once the dust settled from our past in SAK2, they re-examined the situation. They decided it was okay for me to see him, provided we all sat down together. All five of us talked it over. Kissra laid down the rules so we both understood exactly where this was going. The agreement was clear: this is casual and temporary due to the complexities of his situation. We both agreed to those terms, and the dating began.

The Power of Small Gestures

What truly drew me to him was the consistency of his connection and the small, thoughtful efforts. He made me feel special. Because he knew I didn't drive to work, he offered to drive me home every single night. He did the "cute" things—asking if I was hungry, learning what I liked to eat, and taking me there.

Finishing work at 11 PM can be lonely, but grabbing a bite at A&W before the drive home felt incredibly personal. He truly enjoyed my company. At first, I thought he just wanted to avoid the troubles at his own home, but as he learned more about me, his gestures became personalized. They were subtle, but they were for me.

I loved those brief, late-night outings. For the first time as a trans woman, I felt wanted. Time flies when I’m with him. He’ll roll the seats back and open the sunroof so I can see the moon. When I told him I couldn't see the stars because of the city’s light pollution, he drove me to the outskirts of town just so we could find the darkness and imagine we were in the wilderness together. Those gestures, coupled with his constant checking in, are why I fell for him.

The Kissra Test

The "silver bullet" that won my heart was when he spoke to Kissra. He told her directly that he was interested in me, asked for her blessing, and wanted to know what I liked so he could get closer to me.

He passed the test. In our house, if you end up on Kissra’s bad side, she never forgets—and Gigi and Katie will immediately share that sentiment. Most people I meet show interest until they learn about our past in the adult industry or find out that Kissra is a Mistress. The moment they hear that, their focus shifts from me to my partners. That shift is a death sentence for any relationship with me for three reasons:

• *- Disrespect: My girlfriends see that shift in focus as an ultimate insult to our family.
• *- Hardened Boundaries: My partners are survivors of grooming and hidden agendas. They are "hardened" lesbians with zero interest in dating anyone else.
• *- Integrity: We view people who make assumptions about us as lacking integrity. In this house, integrity is everything.

Floating with the Wind

So here I am: in a relationship that "can never be." We’ve all agreed it is temporary, but I am stuck in the present, refusing to look further down the timeline. I don't want to see the end. I haven't asked my girlfriends the burning question: “If this is so wrong, why do you allow me to see him?” I fear that asking might make them change their minds or withdraw their permission. For now, I am just floating with the wind, going where it takes me, and holding onto the stars while I can.

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